The Signs drunk
Aries - *slams head in the car’s door* WHAT THE FUCK?! GODDAMMIT *punches car’s door* I AM TOUGHER THAN YOU
Taurus - I should go home??…NO…I have to pee now but FUCK IT, TACOOOOS!! *is the last one leaving the party*
Gemini - Let me tell you one thing….I NEED TO THROW UP, AND YOU? DO YOU NEED TO THROW UP? *throws up* I TOTALLY THROW UP MORE THAN ALL OF YOU
Cancer - no I can’t handle this I just can’t, for real!! *sits in a corner whining* WHERE ARE YOU LOOKING AT!!! YOU NEVER CALL ME!
Leo - DON’T STOP! BELIEVINNNN!/HOLD ON TO THAT FEEEE…HEY! && NOW….THANK YOU! YOU’VE BEEN A WONDERFUL AUDIENCE *falls down* THANKS OKAY
Virgo - I need to go to the bathroom…but this one’s so gross this is SO NOT ACCEPTABLE!! I’ll just drive home I’ll drive all of you home lemme just… *falls down* DAMMIT GRAVITY
Libra - LETS DANCEE!! or we could just drink maybe…HEY!! THAT SKIRT IS BEAU-TIFUL GURL
Scorpio - OMG I just got laid, TWICE! NOW ANYONE’S UP FOR A ORGY?
Sagittarius - WE SHOULD GO ON A TRIP RIGHT NOW!! OKAY LETS MAKE A PLAN. I MEAN….BAH! SCREW PLANS, LETS SWIM *runs*
Capricorn - *falls down* NO. I don’t need help getting up. I meant to fall off my bar stool, it’s all part of my stradedy… I mean stradegy…stra… *falls down again*
Aquarius - I once read that porcupines float in water….so we should preserve their habitat. Oh God. YOU HUMANS ARE AWFUL!! YOU’RE KILLING THEM!! I’MMA GET TWO PORCUPINES MYSELF
Pisces - god…look at this table..so beautiful.. *looks up, then looks down again* wait? How could I not notice…it’s so…wait what? the ceiling is white!! and so high!!
What the signs would say/do if they were getting arrested
Aries - WTF DO YOU MEAN? *punches officer* YEAH, TRY TO ARREST ME NOW! *runs*
Taurus - It wasn’t me, I was home, doing other things rather than killing someo - oh, donuts! *gets inside police car*
Gemini - *starts arguing with themself* "You did it, no you did! I didn’t do it, so you had to be the one who did it, no I’m telling you, I didn’t do it, oh yes you did!"
Cancer - What do you mean I killed this person? I was at the hospital visiting my mom who’s on her deathbed. I just got a call, she woke up now. Please officer, let me visit her before she dies.. *gets free pass*
Leo - I swear I didn’t kill anyone! Please! I’m so innocent! *sees a group of people looking* HELL YEAH I KILLED HIM. I KILLED HIM GOOD! NOBODY MESSES WITH THIS BIG, BAD LEO!
Virgo - Technically, you can’t arrest me because you have no actual proof. You can use probable cause to search me, but you can’t arrest me.
Libra - ugh, this is not pretty, not pretty at all. *brushes hair*
Scorpio - *says nothing* *police car mysteriously crashes* *scorpio gets away without any witnesses*
Sagittarius - I’m getting arrested! This is so cool omg I’m getting arrested for the first time ever. Hey, do you want to turn this into a road trip and take our time getting there?
Capricorn - My lawyer will sue you and your partner for defamation and your sergeant and your captain for hiring you IDIOTS! And the person that actually committed the crime!
Aquarius - You know there’s more important things in this world such as world hunger or our corrupt government, than the accidental death of a lady no one likes.
Pisces - Why am I getting arrested? *cries* I thought if I didn’t pay it, it would simply go away! *shrugs shoulders*
things the Signs should probably stop doing (#1)
Aries: stop doing everything so hastily like there’s no tomorrow, no time to waste. sometimes patience can help you win
Taurus: stop hoarding things just because they remind you of something important
Gemini: stop using your talent with words to mislead others, you can do better
Cancer: stop holding on. let go of the grudge, you can’t please everyone
Leo: stop trying to be an overachiever at all costs. you don’t really have to prove yourself
Virgo: stop being your worst enemy. perfection is impossible. enjoy your triumphs
Libra: stop lying to prevent someone from getting hurt. hiding the truth can be even more damaging
Scorpio: stop trying so hard to be in control, and instead realize not everyone wants to betray you
Sagittarius: stop running away. commitment doesn’t have to be boring
Capricorn: stop repressing your desires. you don’t have to look composed all the time, you’re not going to embarrass yourself
Aquarius: stop trying to clarify everything. some things don’t have a rational explanation (yes I’m talking about emotions!)
Pisces: stop being everything to everyone. you’ll lose yourself in the process of trying to save the whole world
Enjoy your last few weeks of summer!
The Signs After Killing the Person They Hate The Most
Aries - The Self Psychiatrist
I always observe themes amongst the zodiac, and one of them being that many Aries become involved with the psychology and psychoanalytic industry; and if not as a profession, often a personal interest in the human mind - their own especially. I think this relates to the Arian’s soul purpose being to forge their independence and declare their personal and unique identity. The Sun in our chart symbolizes our soul’s aspiration, goal and what we strive for. As the first sign of the zodiac, it is the cosmic duty of Aries to experience multiple lived events and form a true identity to which they can express through. The soul purpose of the Aries associates very much with Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs; the pattern of attaining Physiological needs, Safety, Love/Belonging, Esteem and Self Actualization for ones self. Aries spend their life focused on attaining the primitive elements for the development of individualisation. Abraham Maslow, was also appropriately so, an Aries.
As a Fire Sign, the energies around Aries are largely mental and frequencies raw and primitive. Their self psycho introspection is largely driven not by knowledge; but by their need to understand what assists or blocks their self expression. As the zodiac’s archetypal child sign, Arians lack the ability to objectively analyze themselves, and often study other people and the way they react to them. These individuals are immensely curious about how their own mind works, and why other people respond the way they do. Arians tend be acutely sensitive to abandonment because they heavily rely on others to form their actualization and understand themselves. Like their duality, Libra, at times the Aries does not feel ‘real’ unless somebody else is watching, and form the particles of their personality by the presence of other people received responses. Aries are constantly reforming themselves; their sense of self adapts with garnering knowledge, adventure and lived experience. There is no collective past to the Arian soul, and these individuals tend to find researching psychology, psychiatry and even the zodiac rewarding in developing insight into own behaviour and other people’s. The Arian personality is in the process of understanding social cues and can be perceived as hyperactive, flamboyant and elaborate; sometimes inappropriate and offensive.
Aries are also known to psychologically test their loved ones, and themselves, by creating continual crises and throwing conflict into harmony. These individuals are threading the fragments of a personality, a brand new soul who is taking its first baby steps on the cosmic journey. The Aries lives many lives in one; soaking up a multitude of experiences and often changing their point of view multiple times along the way to keep up with their ‘newer’ self. These individuals may spend their lives throwing their inflammatory internal conflict into external reality; and often need a form of psychoanalysis to understand their own conduct and swallow the demon within. By the time we move onto Taurus, we begin to understand, who we are and what drives us- and with more self awareness and the development of fixed beliefs. Sometimes I also think Aries get so many bad headaches, because their vessels are constantly bursting with new experiences, values, and threads to weave into the forming personality; constantly soaking up the ‘very first’ again and again.